Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
