I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
