My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize