Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
This house was built for laser tag.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
