and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
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