apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
