Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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