did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
You made out with two different species that night
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
