you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
