I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
