that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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