I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
