You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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