Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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