i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize