I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
