KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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