So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
