i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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