went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
