with your own penis?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
