My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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