i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
