yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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