i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
