At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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