I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I want to walk on stilts...naked
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Randomize
