Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
