i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
My vagina just recognized that song.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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