would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
