I smell stomach acid.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
