So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
