so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
