so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
