I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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