i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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