the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
She bit a glass in half.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
