i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
