Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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