you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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