i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
