I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize