I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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