barbara walters just said penis...
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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