There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Randomize