My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
