4 words: hood of his car
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
