She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I need a burrito and a hug.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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