Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Having a random hookup so left but love u
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
