just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
