just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
