I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
