Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I'm passing your future prison.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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