I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
