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Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
