He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
