guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
How does one acquire holy water?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I have already put on my inside pants.
Randomize
