Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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