some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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