he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
