Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
