I hope mine doesn't look like that
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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