I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
So much Jack, so little girl.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
