remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
