and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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