I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
We talked him into tasing himself.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
