So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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