My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
there is puke in my bra ... again
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
