my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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