Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
