you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
