And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
