i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Will exercising make me less horny?
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