it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He? As in you personified your dick?
If I die, sorry about rent.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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