you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
